Need for acknowledgementAcknowledgement of the loss
‘I do feel it is important for the GP to acknowledge the loss, because that person was so important to you’ (Bereaved sister, Donegal) ‘Dr always asked when I went down, how I was, he always mentioned [my son] ... “How many years is it now? When was the birthday?”.’ (Bereaved mother, Dublin)
Acknowledgement of the lived life of the deceased
‘He came in the door and he sympathised with all of us, and then he said, “Do you know what I remember most about [*]? The time he came in when he was about 6 with a stone up his nose.” He talked about him, he remembered him ... that he was a person.’ (Bereaved mother, Dublin)
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Role of stigma in the aftermath of lossProfound effect of stigma and its role as a barrier to help seeking
‘I was at a festival in the town, and I remember going thinking I hope no one is looking at me, I was embarrassed as well ...’ (Bereaved aunt and sister, Donegal) ‘I think if the stigma wasn’t so bad, I think maybe things might be a little different, you feel stigmatised yourself ... It’s like IBS [irritable bowel syndrome], nobody wants to know about it’. (Bereaved daughter and sister-in-law, Donegal) ‘ [You are] so numb with grief and shock and disbelief, and you don’t think about looking for support.’ (Bereaved mother-in-law, Waterford)
Practical implications for the surgery
‘I can’t remember why he wouldn’t come to the house, but he never actually went to the house to make a call. So eventually we arranged with him for [my wife] to go in the backdoor, so that no one could see her.’ (Bereaved father, Waterford)
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Need for GP to provide direction and supportPreference for proactive approach to contact by the GP
‘Well they [GPs] do play a major part in our community … I think they are hugely important in our lives.’ (Bereaved mother, Dublin) ‘On the day he had heard it through the grapevine ... he didn’t wait for us to contact him ... He phoned and he said how sorry he was ... And could he come over. So he did. Now straight away that just makes such a difference.’ (Bereaved mother, Dublin) ‘They [GPs] need to have the courage to come to you and say “well look, I’m here when you are ready”. It’s such a comfort.’ (Bereaved mother, Waterford)
Need for GP to provide awareness of support organisations
‘GPs should make it their business to know what services are available in the locality.’ (Bereaved brother, Dublin) ‘In each of our cases, it was pure luck we found this [bereavement group]. It wasn’t through any doctor’ ... ‘Funny you should say that, there was a sign up in the doctors’ surgery for this group, he never mentioned it.’ (Bereaved mother and father in discussion in Waterford)
Role of doctor as drug — need for active listening
‘He [my GP] just sat and listened ... he was fully present, completely present’. (Bereaved mother, Dublin) ‘He listened and the listening was powerful. Being fully present, he didn’t offer me any solutions, he didn’t try to answer the why, he didn’t try to medicate me ... He didn’t try to fix me. He just accepted me, just the way I was and he listened.’ (Bereaved mother, Dublin)
Importance of appropriate prescribing: desire not to medicate grief
Need for continuity of care
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