Books: Our Mothers Ourselves: Six Women From Across the World Tell Their Mothers’ Stories: Physical and Emotional Migrations

Hannah Milton

doi:10.3399/bjgp22X720389

Cathy Hull, Veena Siddharth, Vayu Naidu, Caryn Solomon, Rupal Shah Austin Macauley, 2022, PB, 198pp, £8.99, 978-1398449848

I was invited to review this book and it seemed quite different from my usual genre of child psychology at first, but I found it to be both thought provoking and heart warming.

Six authors of differing careers, backgrounds, and geography write about their mothers’ lives in six chapters, connected by themes of mothering, migration, and cultural change. Profits from the book are being donated to www.refugeewomen.co.uk, a charity supporting and empowering women who are refugees and asylum seekers. This book is timely as many of us welcome Ukrainian immigrants into our communities.

All the mothers in the book are in some ways ‘ordinary’ for their time and place of birth, but their stories are extraordinary when brought to life by their daughters. As such, all of the women transcend the constraints of their different backgrounds. And it is extraordinary to read about the past through cultures different from my own. The book is almost dream-like, in the way that memories are fragments of significant moments mixed with ordinary day-to-day moments on different timescales. Each author has a unique style but the common themes and similar timings spanning the Second World War bind them together. It was wonderful to see women’s real history documented as so often it is only men and the male perspective that have been documented.

THE NEXT GENERATION

I learnt some new perspectives on racism with a short history of antisemitism in the UK, apartheid in 1970s South Africa, and the overt and subtle racism of 1970s London for a newly arrived couple from India. In Rupal Shah’s mother’s story, it really stood out for me that she could tell when someone was patronising or underestimating her because of her appearance and accent.

How ‘alien’ or ‘other’ people must feel when moving to a new culture, while also losing touch with their own culture and a feeling of belonging there as well. It led me to question if I was ever guilty of subconsciously patronising people under the pressure of a 10-minute consultation in a culturally diverse area. Provoking insight is the first step to changing biases, so I was grateful for this personal and emotive insight.

The old patriarchal values of women serving men and family were prominent in all the stories. There was some inevitable disconnect at times between the mothers in the book and the next generation writing about them because of these old values. All overcame this disconnection as they were emotionally close to their mothers, but I found it made me question my expectations of my own children.

Our children are learning to live in a different world from their parents. I felt stifled by patriarchal values as a child, but these mothers’ stories made me realise how incredibly privileged I have been and how much I want even more social change for my own daughter (and indeed my son). My children may choose a different future from the one I am used to and imagine for them, but these stories show that, while that may be difficult or worrying at times, it is important to support them.

This book gave me feelings of nostalgia, joy, and sadness as well as the comfort of safety and security that only (a good) family can provide. It helped me understand the perspectives of people from cultures other than my own. So maybe it was still my usual genre of child psychology after all!